”I don’t know.” I was sobbing uncontrollably. This was my answer to my husband’s questions of “what’s wrong?” It was at least the third time that week I had cried without knowing why. Some days I would cry, wipe my tears, take a breath, clean myself up, and start the cycle all over again – and this would continue for hours. My husband put his arms around me and rested his head atop mine. “I think you may need to talk to Marge,” he said. Crying even harder now, and feeling completely defeated, I knew he was right.

After speaking for over two months with Marge, a psychologist, I realized the unhappiness and stress I felt with my job had taken over my life. I cried at least three times a week, I almost never left the house, and the television had become my new best friend. And I work from home, which had further enabled me to adapt the lifestyle of a hermit. I had cut myself off from everyone by not even picking up a telephone to call a friend. I was working long hours, often ten hours a day, without taking a break for lunch. I was living solely for my job. All the energy I had during the day was exerted towards my work: I made phone calls to solve problems, answered emails to complete daily tasks, attended meetings, and learned of new initiatives within the company. And at the end of the workday, I was exhausted. All of my energy was gone, all of my ambition was gone, and any concern I had for the things I loved, and for me, was also gone. According to Marge I had worked myself into a depression. Oddly enough, I didn’t even like my job. I felt like I was the only one having problems. Was there anyone out there living this same life?

You betcha.

I spoke with a co-worker during my sessions with Marge. He told me he had been working long hours, including weekends, and his wife was often crying from the lack of time they spent together. Adding to his already stressed marriage, he made his wife wait four hours for medical attention after injuring her hand, so he could speak with a client on a project of his. And in the next breath he said, “I might be getting a divorce soon!” The awkward laugh in his voice told me he was joking, but not really.

The “Take Back Your Time” organization, “a major U.S./Canadian initiative to challenge the epidemic of overwork, over-scheduling and time famine that now threatens our health, our families and relationships, our communities and our environment,” states, “the average American works nine weeks longer per year than those in Western Europe, and receives an average of two weeks vacation per year. Our European counterparts receive an average of five to six weeks per year.” According to NIOSH, The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, “40% of workers reported their job was very or extremely stressful, 25% view their jobs as the number one stressor in their lives, and job stress is more strongly associated with health complaints than financial or family problems.”

How much are we sacrificing for our work? Have we decided that our mental health, physical health, and personal relationships are no longer worthwhile and working is the way to be happy? When we die should our tombstones read, “Here lies Mr. Jones. Promoted to senior management after five years of service. Inspired others to work hard and achieve success. Work employment 1965 – 2006. May he now rest?”

Why are we working so hard? There really are many reasons why people work at jobs they do not love, or even like. Some work for higher salaries. Others feel there is no other way to get “ahead” unless they multi-task to the point of chaos each day. Let’s face it, working extra hours has come to be expected, and working yourself into an early grave is now the way to put yourself in the spotlight. Looking at the extended rush hour times during the workday will tell you you’re not the only one out there working longer days. There are also peer pressure and guilt everywhere. “If Dave is working fifty hours a week, shouldn’t I be also? And if Dave can work long hours without complaining, why can’t I?”

As I have learned, in the end, it’s a choice. Some of us are willing to work fifty-hour work weeks because of our love for the job, or for the love of success. Some of us work long or stressful hours because we can’t change our jobs or careers at this moment in life. Whatever situation you encounter, here are some tips from Marge to de-stress during and after the workday.

1. Exercise. Patients who exercise at least three times per week show the same mental health improvements as those that have undergone psychological treatment.

2. Do things you enjoy in your spare time. Turning your attention to your interests and hobbies each day eliminates your job from your center of focus.

3. Don’t work long hours. Speak to your manager about excessive time you spend at the office. Review with him or her what you can accomplish realistically each day. You will, however, need to be prepared for pushback from your manager if your overtime is something he or she has come to expect.

4. Take a lunch break during the day. Don’t fall into the “eat at your desk and work” trap. Employees who take breaks during the day are more productive than those who do not. Give your mind a rest. You’ll be ready to tackle the rest of the day when you return with a full stomach and a clear mind.

Taking Marge’s advice, I picked myself up and began concentrating on life after work hours. At 6:00, unless the building was on fire, I was done. I began walking a few times a week, spending more time with my piano lessons, and taking at least a half hour lunch break during the day. I also instituted my own TV time policy that only allowed me to begin watching television after 7:00 at night, which forced me to find something else to do other than being a couch potato. The crying stopped and a few weeks later I began to feel like myself. And the better I felt, the better I felt.

The choice is ours to make: to live our lives for our careers and the top dollar job, or to live life on our own terms – caring for and being loved by others, learning new ideas, and traveling to new places. I have made my choice. I choose love, I choose happiness, I choose to walk on the beach with my husband, and I choose to travel as much as I can. My tombstone will no longer read, “I was an excellent employee.”

6/06/07